My goal is to share my experience of not being flexible; the feeling of being insecure and unstable in my life. I thought that I needed to know I had everything figured out in my life. I had the chatter of the mind and I would hit the replay button often, creating the should’ve and the could’ve. I started to realize that I was creating my own stress by allowing the chatter that we do so often. With these stories I made up in my mind, I created all this stress and anxiety.
As I started to realize I was the one creating this drama in my life, I also learned that I didn’t need to hit the reply button. I started to apply myself to the practice of yoga and the more often I would show up on my yoga mat or blanket, moving through the postures or practicing a breath. I started reassuring myself that I needed this practice. I would drop into this place, breath and move. I began to discover this is what I needed. As I continued to breath and practice, it became a little easier for me to connect with my physical and mental body. I started to share these feeling and thoughts with my friends. I was studying and practicing yoga daily with my teachers, as I started to share this practice with my friends, family and the students that come to my classes, I began to share authentically my personal growth and thoughts. Sharing the practice of the breath, the stillness and the movements.
The truth is the stillness is what frightens me the most. For if I kept moving, there was no time to think about my feelings. The unknowing, the darkness to drop in and to see me, was such a scary, uneasy, and uncomfortable feeling. The more and more I practiced, the clarity came. I reminded myself that I am not those thoughts and that I did not need to attach myself to these feelings. I had the power to receive or not. As my practice continued I realized that I had control over those stories and that I had control over “the should’ve and could’ve.”
Knowing that I had the choice of whether or not to hit the reply button, to say out loud “not today,” next thought and become present in the moment was new for me. It helped me see the road ahead and to know that everyday there is something new, that every moment is opportunity to embrace life. I started to listen to my friends, family and students giving them my full attention, not allowing my mind to race off to the things I needed to do or should have done prior to their conversion, to be fully present. I want my students to know that I see them, I hear them and that I am there for them, that they are not alone. I will remind them to breathe, to laugh, to move, to forgive, to be flexible, to be accepting of themselves and others, to feel and to know that for the hour or so they are important. To Let go.
Peace & Light